I always thought when I was younger that I would be this go-getter, travelling all around the world, un-stoppable, flamboyant female. Un-restricted and ballsy. Daring, but charming. Instead, I am writing this from my parents house, where I still live, in the converted attic, with a cornish pasty for dinner, and about to watch an episode of PLL's on Netflix...on a Friday night!
I am a self proclaimed dry shite. And love nothing more then coming home from classes, putting on my pjs and sprawling in front of the TV. But I have had this irking voice in my head the last while that says, 'Yas, what the hell are you doing with your life?!'. I picture a trapped bohemian clad version of me tutting at my lack of excitement in my life.
Your 20's are supposed to be about learning and growing. Making mistakes and having fun. Meeting new people and not taking life too seriously. Well I do. I take life beyond seriously. Planning and deciphering ways to be prosperous with work- I am totally goal focused, and while my close friends and family say that one of my best qualities is being a high-achiever. I also think this quality has become a total hinderance. I have totally neglected my social life- going out very rarely, cutting nights short for the fear of not being fully energised for my next days work. I am a worrier. I'm never spur crazy. To sum me up- I am the total opposite of most 26 year olds that I know.
I don't know why I am like this. I'm not a total recluse- I do occasionally see friends, meet for brunch, go for dinner and make random plans but plainly, I love my own company. I like being alone. I read a lovely post by one of my favourite bloggers- Audrey Rogers from BeFrassy, who also spoke about her favourite company being her own, teaching herself how to carry the weights of the world on her own and learning how to enjoy it. She ended her post by asking her readers to 'find your own sacrosanct spots on this earth- and return to both with cyclical devotion'. Is my sacrosanct spot my bed linen and a glass of Pinot Grigio? God I hope not...
Sex and the City, Gossip Girl and endless insta moments have dictated what I, as a 26 year old should be doing at this moment in time. I now have this looming fear that I'm going to wake up one day when I am older and say why was I not more free? It's not a case of choosing my current actions. Doing me is all I know?!
As my work load starts to free up a bit more around summer, I do admittedly start to see more people- I make plans, have holidays booked and generally tend to loosen up a bit, but I know right when the academic year starts back, I'm going to dart right back into hole of hibernation...unashamedly.